You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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