you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
