i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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