so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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