She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
