2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
