3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
