The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
