im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
