After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
