Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
