sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
