my sisters under your porch take her home
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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