apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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