Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
