guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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