Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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