guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
