Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
