your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
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