a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
