WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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