No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
