You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
