so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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