He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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