His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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