Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
