Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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