I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
