So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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