I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
