C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
