yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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