How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
