Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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