Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
