Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
