please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
