i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
