i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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