just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
