So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
