if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
