Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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