so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
