I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
