So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
