I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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