Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
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