she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
they need to just BURY HIM!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
