shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
