Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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