I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize