his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
