the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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