It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
