Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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