My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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