I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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