I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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