Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
