ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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