let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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