I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
