whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Randomize
