I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
